i'm getting worst!

Friday:
Yesterday was baking cookies session with sandy and gang…it was not quite successful right? Haha..cos we got bored while waiting for the oven to bake the cookies…haha..so watch scv programmes, talk and they played with that dog in my hse..-.-"

The day started with breakfast at TM’s Mac followed by buying ingredients at NTUC…after this, we head to my hse…while walking to interchange smthg occurred!!! Shldn’t say it now…if not might get some unwanted attention…I’ll say it when it’s over..haha..back at my hse….for the first 1 whole hr is screamings and screamings!!! DOTS! Cos sandy, kimbee and vivi got very frightened by that dog’s barking…-.-" so we’re all hiding in my room waiting for Felicia to come…k so finally Felicia came…and now there’s an additional person’s screaming! …….

So the 4 of them have been screaming non-stop…until they had decided to heed my bro’s advice to let the dog sniff and lick for awhile…so everyone did let her lick except Felicia! … donno what she’s so scare of…I mean that dog doesn’t bite, it’s only that she has a fierce barking only…so she doesn’t bark the others already except Felicia! And Felicia was damn afraid of dogs where it’s like if you give her a chair she will just stand right on the chair and don move!

Like those cartoon where they see rats and will jump onto the chair like this…ya she’s tt afraid of her…so she moves ard very carefully so that the dog wun notice her….cos she thgt she’s small and insignificant enough that my dog is blind, wun be able to notice her! Haha…bth..after sometime finally the dog get to sniff and lick her…but she still act the same..dot…

however donno why she suddenly get so excited with the dog…she played and ka jiao the dog…keep turning rounds ard us…till sandy and I got uneasy and feel like vomiting…really..we get unwell….she just wun stop ka jiao-ing the dog…den my hse at that moment was like so noisy la! I never feel my hse that noisy before till I cant tahan and ordered Felicia to sit down and stop playing with the dog…cos if she had stop playing with the dog, the dog will get some rest and quiet down…cos they keep complaining why the dog not tired wan and wun quiet down de where Felicia is playing and running ard with her continuously!!!

The baking session ends…Other than Felicia, we all went out for dinner at taka’s pepper lunch…the queue was long but waiting time was short...haha..oh ya…while the train was very packed and squeezy also…so it’s necessary for some ppl that are standing at the door to get out first before the ppl inside can alight the train…soooo…when the train reaches somerset and it’s time for us to get down…the guy standing in front of me is blocking the way..he’s standing at there like some tree….donno how to move wan leh! Pek chek….

All of us (sandy.vivi and piwen): excuse me..excuse me! Excuse me….
He doesn’t listen! Soooo I said…….
Me: Can you please get out first? (showing him that angry and frustrated face)
He then decided to move out and let us get out of the train…
Me: THANK YOU! (stern and firm)

Ah lian’s attitude huh? But he’s blocking our way though he knows we’re getting down the train…blockhead!

Went far east…piwen looking for some stuff…sandy was getting tired cos we woke up quite early today…no energy after the baking session…haha..went hm at ard 10….while walking towards the MRT station…we were chatting abt some stuffs…and remind me of an incident that happen during yr1.1 when I first entered TP…I felt so guilty…

This incident occurs at a takaewondo cca trial session…where I’m quite interested in tkd so I pulled sandy along to join with me…and…we went for the trial…did some PT and stretching den listen to the coach talk abt tkd and all….soooo…after listening for quite some time, I know what are the requirements and criteria to be in tkd and all…

Coach: ok do you all have any qn?
I raised my hand…
Me: Can I go?
Coach: go whr? Toilet? Ok go..
Me: no go off...go home…

The coach tio stun and let me off…so I stand up and walk away…hahaha..then sandy still in the moment of shock at my action…she just followed me also…hahaha…so we went to wear our shoes…then at the same time, the coach gave the others toilet break…haha..and he called some senior to come over and talk to us…I rmb the senior saying that the coach think that we’ve the potential so hope that we can think abt it….haha..i’m quite surprise and happy to hear what the coach think abt us la…but my mind just tell me to get out of the sports hall asap…haha..so we aren’t persuaded by the senior and we go hm…

Until now I sometimes still heard vivi mentioning that one of her senior will never forget this person walk off like this….then I’m always like..opps! and didn’t really care abt it…but ytd…I suddenly felt so guilty about my action….thinking back I felt that I’m being too much at that moment doing this….didnt know why I did that…maybe cos after hearing the coach’s expectation and all…I think that I unable to make it and might not be able to commit to it so I rather be frank to the coach in the first place rather than staying on and give him hope or if not not being committed and always skip trainings…right?

Cos I rmb v clearly that he said getting the black belt is just only the starting to getting the other colour belt…which means below black are all the foundation and all…so I thgt if I joined tkd….i only get a black belt for tt 3yrs in poly cos I don have any basic foundation abt tkd before..and I don tink I’ll continue to pursue getting higher belt level after poly…so I decided not to waste my time and other ppl’s time…cos they deserve it better than me as some of them already have tt basic there…

Ppl attitude right me? I’m too much right? 很过份hor? I’m too impulsive right? 太冲动了hor? Haiz…so guilty leh…how ar? So on the way hm..i became so quiet and didn’t talk much…before that I’m like bird like that so chatty…then sandy n vivi like mute like that didn’t talk much…on the way hm, it became the opposite…)= 我感到很惭愧! 这么办? Why am I always so impulsive? Bad habit and attitude…Where is the commitment I had in sec sch NPCC? I can do it in NPCC and why not in tkd? Whr is that determination? getting worst huh me? ….

Seems like I got lost a lot of times after entering poly….always questioning myself and finding the direction of my own life…I’m like in a maze, kana stuck somewhere and couldn’t find the way out…so far I still unable to find my way out…still using the try and error method to hope to find my way out of the maze…so can I say I start questioning about my own direction of life only in polytechnic? That’s quite late right? Slow progress huh? I still cannot find it when I’m near to graduation in a year time……)= ??? haiz..