self-reflection time: what is happening to me?!

self-reflection time...

this whole week i had already been reflecting on my own actions, behaviour and attitude.....after kana reprimanded by Arthur, makes me even want to reflect on myself! grandma issue i very sad and feel guilty for not treating her well before this bloody incident happen...thinking if i'm abit of arrogant or zhi yi wei shi.....always thought ownself very li hai, can do it....but when do, i cannot....#$%&@ i always give felicia attitude...donno how to express myself....because ownself mood not in good condition, you just vent your anger on someone else...you attitude or talk in a not so friendly tone to them....yes i am like this now....mood really changes very fast....maybe in the past i am alr like that but now it's like becoming serious and worst...has difficulty handling own emotions... before i am not those that will keep myself alone at a side....i'll try mix around whatever it is...but now like so zhi bi....don wanna mix around...plainly lazy ba?

now i am like wanting to become those quiet and talk as little as i could those kind...in own world...haha...but i'm still as kpo and as chatty and as 38 as before...

i want to not be fussy or calculative about others' behaviors or attitude or what...i don wanna to care about them...i don want like i see the ugly side of them and make me become bias towards them....and i'm just unhappy with whatever they do...it's ridiculous la....i don like the mouth that i have...always say ppl till like i'm better than them...what rights do i have to say them when i might not be better than them...my mouth is really mean....always after saying or i've alr said half way then i realize i shouldn't say them....but it's too late...tt's y sometimes i'll talk half way and just shut up...cos something just struck my mind and contradict with my own thinking....i always talk when i like to...sometimes being inconsiderate towards others feeling...did not really think in their shoe before i talk...only when i've talked half way den i realise....and when i talk half way...i'll give them..hais...tt pek chek face...is not i'm angry with them or wat...i'm just pek chek with myself for talking too much....it's really....wa...aarrrgghhh!!!

what is happening huh?!