Emo: touching videos

though it's the second or third time viewing the videos....and it's just few videos and pictures without sounds....it makes me wants to cry and tears will fill up the eyes...dots...the feeling of heartbreak is still there...it's still as strong as ever...i'm still feeling so unfair and unworthy for her....i can feel her uncomfort like how we all are feeling also...

some feelings that i joted down when i first finish viewing the video...

"i miss her..i still cannot really accept this fact..hais..i can feel my heart crying..it's really uncomfortable...hais..only a few video without sounds..it touches deep down into my heart..i can feel it..it is really....

我的心感觉很酸痛! 很像大声的哭, 大声的呐喊! 我很想把那个王八蛋打死, 很像用车狠狠地闯他一下...! 让他和他家人感受一下..让他知道他对我们全部所造成的伤害有多么的重, 多么的大,有多么的难受! ..."

i really hate him to the maximum...hais..i know hating him and planting the hateful feeling in me doesn't helps in anyway and in fact, it is not advisable....but i couldn't help it whenever i thought of whatever an old lady, my dearest grandma is gg through...how can they let her go through all this sufferings?! there aren't any reason which i can thought of...hais..i yearn to hear her voice one day...i yearn for miracles that she will be back to normal and can talk and move around like us...i yearn for more family gatherings with her!!!

she has no control over her own body..she needs our helps...i mean...once before, she can do whatever she wants...now...she needs ppl help....it's like...so ke lian...and i really feel pain and sympathy for her....the fear of losing someone dear is really not fun and anything or in anyway enjoyable!!! now i know what is really fear and what i am most afraid of!!!

please i really pray that you will give all of us another chance to treasure the moments with her again...please give us another chance so that we wun make the mistake of taking happiness for ganted again...i donno what can i do other than waiting to get back to singapore...praying that she will be forever fine even when i'm back...praying for the happy times again...praying everybody's life back to normal and happy again....

we all are hurt emotionally....and it's affecting us alot...tears will no where free flow...sigh-ing will out of no where comes out...you will be thought of everyday...our life is seriously interuppted....no longer that much of homecooked food...no longer that much of happiness...it had been very long that we are really feeling happiness!

all this emotional hurt had been with us for 7 months already!!!

*can i have a time machine and turn back to before 2nd of january?!?!?!?!* ))'=