i still unable to accept this fact! :'(

Today's thoughts~....

so i am attituding today...(pardon me if i did offend u in anyway!) in hospital quiet and feeling tired....don feel like talking...on my dad's car on the way hm also extremely quiet..don wanna involve in any conversations..while in sheng shiong, ppl who are blocking my way shld be frightened by my serious look....cos i'm feeling pek chek and keep TSK here and there....i think my period is coming...my dad ask me anything i either didnt ans or i'll just keep quiet and show him tt i'm not in the mood face....maybe he's trying to cheer me up but i didnt get affected by him...sunday tt day also like tt...he tried ji siao me...push me hit me....but i'm still in my own world with my own thinking....

i so feel like telling him i miss my grandma alot..and desperately ask him who can help her...but i didnt manage to open my mouth and ask him...cos as if he will know ans to my qn! i just kept quiet and keep all my thoughts to myself...that's a bad part of me...if i've any problem, i wun tell anyone and choose to shut up, worry myself and at there anyhow think and feel sad....

i really hate that driver who knocked her down...i know hating him doesn't help my grandma to wake up...but i just feel unfair that my grandma is lying in hospital now semi-unconscious in coma...cos she isn't ill before the accident and is perfectly living well and healthy...and just because of that idiot @#$%& bastard's reckless driving cause her to become like this...it's very unfair! why is this happening to her....i still cant accept this fact that my grandma is now lying in hospital..my mind is like in the situation where...everything ytd was like so fine and beautiful but today she's lying in the hospital...know what i mean?

i always thgt and feel very blessed that i have wonderful relatives with healthy grandparents....one whole big group always hanging out together..had alot of family gathering like bbq, parties, dinner or shopping trip together in a big group....always very noisy regardless at what place...but now like everywhr also so quiet....nobody has the time to go shopping...nobody has to mood to prepare to welcome CNY....we are not tt happy anymore...cos the lack of one person in the family really matters alot to us when the person is my mum and aunties' mother and we, grandchildren's grandma! it's not like we aren't close...cos of the closeness we all had with each other make this fact that difficult for me to accept! she's the one who brought me up...i miss sleeping with her and staying overnight at her hse...then she'll buy our fav kwap chap from downstairs wet market for me and my bro......

now i don dare to pass by grandma's hse nearby or even go her hse cos i very scare i cry and get emo and think alot again! hope CNY wun be spend crying!!! cos usually chu er will be spent at grandma's hse...hope my grandpa wun fall sick...cos he has been rushing to CGH and home everyday for this 1 mth plus plus...he must be feeling very gek xim....haiz....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! :'(