My dream family photo: 28-1-1

On the 26th of April night, my SiYi left all of us...She left the family physically....she's gone...it was a sudden which all of us couldn't take it...we all were in the midst of a dinner when the news arrived....all our hearts dropped really the the bottom...nobody has the mood to do anyting....

She's happily holidaying with her family in Bangkok, and comin back on this day....But it all must and has to happen to her in the mrgn before they head off to airport....Her heart is in deep pain and my uncle brought her to hospital immdiately and discovering she got to be operated immediately as her vessel might explode anytime....ha~ managed to save her back once but she choose to leave on the second time...operation failed....news travelled to our ears in Singapore....and yup, alll our hearts were like...tears flow...nobody has any more mood for dinner or any other thing....i did pray, we all did pray immediately upon knowing the news of her in danger....we were all at the temple place, we prayed immediately....ha~...what's the use of praying...

"Pray, pray for what ar pray...got help meh?!"

that's what i told sinyee on the phone...i shouted...i'm crying like crazy...i was so angry, lost totally frustrated and going out of my mind....i didnt know what's happening...once and again, one by one...all out of a sudden....i'm just so tired..tired of everything, i'm so worried about everything...my grandpa my grandma...will anybody know what kind of @##$$&% feeling is that? it's so insecure....i really wish to die and end all these...i don wan to recieve anymore of this nonsense....ya tt's selfish and foolish...i thgt i'm not as close to her as to the other aunties...but her death is still...it still hits my heart greatly.....however i might not like her actions or not as close to her, she's still part of my family photo, she also dote me alot since young, she's my auntie, i respect her....she has a poor life all along...kidney failure, she managed to fight thrg it with dialysis and ironically, she die because of heart attack....wth right....her first time on plane, first time travelling with whole family, first time travelling overseas and yet this have to happen.....

i was really crying fiercely, thinking of alot of alot......was really worried...my grandpa, grandma....i really feel insecure, i fear that the next day, anyone of them will also be gone out of sudden...

26th April 2008 - My dream perfect family photo which yet had to be taken have minus one more person, my Si Yi...i pray my uncle and cousins to be really strong....We'll be there for you guys for anything!

When will it stop? Another hole in the heart...when can it be mend? Never....