5thMarch - 9thMarch

5thMar2008-Wednesday
I claimed back my remaining half day and went Vivo with felicia...thgt of watching Ps, I Love You but there's no early tim slot thus we went Vivo as i've promised her the day before...visited that cheap shop which she mentioned she saw on TV....and it was not nice at all lor...she still say TV advertise till like very nice! dots....shopped the whole Vivo and of course CandyEmpire! hehe...

Sandy i'm getting the bad habit of yours like buyin every small little items that i like...tsssk...i've spent and waste so much of my money! haha..ok after some shopping, settle down at some place and started chatting again...random topics but bothers me quite alot...TSK....

And we came to a topic where its about my fate of becoming some mistress or some third party kind of bitch...haha...I'm clueless why we always come to this same topic...oh she was telling me she read from some book abt eyes and all....so the type of eyes that the book is describing just reminds her of my eyes...initially I thgt I was always the only one who thgt I would be one of these kind of bitch but now with one more confirmation which is so strong....i start to worry....haha...it quite bothers me actually...worrying I'll really become one of those kind..which is totally what I hate....

Trying hard to find excuses or others to assure and support my stand that I wun be one....haha....

First, I dislike this kind of r/s (tho it gonna be exciting but it's not gonna last long) and I wun like this kind of (third party) person to appear in my own r/s so why I wld be one? Know what she replied me? Sometimes it's not up to your choice....!! Oh my god lor..her so strong agreement makes me more bothered by this issue cos I myself already have this strong feelings and now adding one more 'confirmation'...dots....see I care about how others look at me, imagine my cliques, lesbie, besties, friends, family all view me in those 'coloured' eyes...it's not gonna to work out in any way for me! lol...it will be like living w/o friends and family, how can it be?! That's not life! Haha...it's not gonna to happen right?! *pray* hahaha...

Do you ppl have any kind of strong feelings for particular issues and got really worried like me? Or it had really happened? Tell me..Tag me!! haha.. (=


8thMar2008-Saturday

Rangers cycling changed to Waterhorse midnight movie at TheCathay....all working personnel (mindy, angel and me) are too tired for physical activity like cycling (up the highways)...haha....

angel missed the gathering again..after the movie, we sat outdoors chatting before mindy got herself a cab home...The rest of us continue chatting and walked to Esplanade..i was too tired and fell asleep while sitting outside the NoSignboard restaurant..Finally it's ard 5 6+ am in the mrgn..thinking we could take the earliest train home but it's still way too early for the first train to start operating...Soooo....in the end together with the couple, Felicia and I took cab home... How meaningful isn't it? ..... haha...cos we all just wanna hangout with all rangers but have got limited ideas...went home, slept like a pig....(=

Dinner with Arthur

2ndMarch2008

i had half day...or shld i say a quarter day leave? i supposingly should have a half-day leave but it was all destroyed by some last minutes assignments that i've got to help Jessie to finish...and so my hlaf day leave was left with a quarter! ..... no choice, i still carry on takin that quarter day leave because i've promise to meet felicia and she has waited too long for me already...so shopped around before gg to MarinaSquare to meet Arthur and all the OSIP mates...

Had Waraku..we chatted till the air-con was switched off and we're the last customers to leave the place...took pictures outside and we headed home...a short simple dinner gathering but alot of memories flash backs...haha...laughed alot...... (=

That hole in my heart...

1stMarch2008
Fourth day at work.....it's a Saturday!!! Oh man...it is raining so heavily, such a cold weather to hide inside my comforter till late morning.....but I'm waking up on the usual time like office hours as early as 7am to go to work...the roads are so desserted la..still have to share umbrella with strangers to cross street..and in the end, I'm stuck inside office alone for 6hrs!!!

Visited grandma after work and had dinner together with my Sanyi (family) and Xiaoyi (family)....We went LongHouse and had a long chatting session before gg home..it was really fun...we chatted from how parents, each aunties and uncles got together, their dating process and gossips..haha..next was about cousins, my siblings and my babies time...our for known behaviours and blah....I don need a pacifier, just my thumb will do..haha..a lot of memories flash back la....we always had to queue in front of grandpa to collect money because he'll distribute money to each of his grandchildren whenever he got his pay....hehe...=D Who he doted most on and blah....

The stay over nights at grandma's house....she always tell us stories and her children's childhood......who she don like and why she don't like...haha....when ah li and I were talking abt how she told us and all.....we automatically knows her actions and all..we just laughed very happily because of her cuteness...we just miss it......we miss her.........there's no need to act out or do the action when she's taking or telling us story....we all knew it...we just laughed together with images in all our mind..really there's a lot of images flash past in my brain....it's all like in a filmstrip...i could rmb my primary school times in her house..always staying over at her house for the reason that I've got to reached school early the next day for HouseTraining....she'll wake me up and all.....she's like my mother.... =)

Hais....we chatted very long....we all missed the past......the happy moments......we do still have happy moments every now and then, just like this simple dinner....but it's just different....ha~ =) Next we came to a point where we're thinking of booking a bus for the whole family to go Genting together...this is what I've always wished for..but now all had to be delayed and it's gonna be different.....I was telling my mother and Xiaoyi the other day of taking a big family photo..and I came to found out, actually my Xiaoyi had thg of it long ago but it just didn't happen and now all this happens...less one person...came to think of it.....wasteful......regrets........ =\

I'm not trying to be emo again...when I think of this, my mind is like keep telling me, "I want her to be in the picture with us...it's a whole big family picture, she can't not be in the picture together with us..i have a grandpa so i do need a grandma!" ..... but this just wun come true....i know my what my mind is telling me, just shows acts of stubbornness....

I WANT A WHOLE BIG FAMILY PHOTO HANGING IN MY ROOM, IN MY HOUSE LIVING ROOM, IN EVERY AUNTIES' HOUSE.....

maybe I'm being naïve or childish or acting just like some (qianjingsiewjie) rich overly-doted girl or princess....but that's what I really think and hope for....i have a too perfect picture for my family....i don mean my family is not good enough....but donno why HARMFUL or HURTINGS or ACCIDENTS or LOSING MY LOVE ONES or whatever that is NEGATIVE are not at all in my dictionary for this family.....maybe didn't thgt of it but I didn't take it serious.....i didn't think much of it...untill it happens.........i don't think my loved ones beside me will die or anything bad will occur on them....but it just happens....tt's y I'm now seriously afraid of losing any of my loved ones that are all around me, always around for me...losing one is like taking a part of my heart away.....now there's already a gigantic hole..it's difficult to fill it up unless with the same identical living person..... ha~ ........ (=

I know some friends will not like this side of me..being so pessimistic or whatsoever....no longer the old me.....I know....i too know I'm no longer the same and I hate it too...but I just have this foolish thinking that if it's for the sake of an important person in my life, it think it's worth it..i don regret becoming the now me tho I hate it......Okay, confusing.....don't get what I mean? Then don't bother to try unstd-ing it....cos nth useful.... (=

can anyone fill that hole in my heart?

Cheesecake Cafe

27thFeb2008 – 28thFeb2008
First day at work was..Rush!!

Second day was..Lost Confused Stress and the first pimple pops out!! Can I die?! Haha..Okay, don wanna talk about this again cos I think I've complained numerous time to my friends already...so most of them knows abt this new job..Anyway, my job scope involves staff salary and issuing cheques, aiya anything that have got to do with using company's $$$$ la..omg..BIG REPONSIBILITY and it means HUGE PRESSURE!!!

29thFeb2008
Third day at work was slightly better but mood still aren't feeling better..and here came the birth of the second pimple.....resulting from the stress and insufficient amount of rest....HOWEVER, after calling my agent to check out when's my last day of work, my mood literally changed 180degree.....haha.....in anyway, third day's work was done according to my own agar-ration and own reference notes...What can I do other than praying daily that hopefully nth would be done wrongly..haha...

I managed to pass these few days successfully w/o breaking down with felicia's encouragement..lol...your msg really encouraged me a lot..believe me, I still have your sms in my phone..of course, my few other friends also encouraged and made me buck up and just continue to try non-stop without giving up! I'm unsure why I've become so easily demoralize and not with the right attitude and no self motivation…okay motivation, I've always not having a lot of it..but I'll feel at least a little motivated, optimistic abt my current situation and think in another point of view to console myself..But donno why this time, I'm like this..really feel like running out of the office and disappear, otherwise I'll just break down in front of the office ppl..i've got trouble managing my emotions and mind right?! I'm getting my emotions to take over me right?! Anyway, .... THANKS!!! You ppl are always great!

After work, reached home at ard 8plus and Felicia came to fetch me at ard 9plus10 and headed to tanshandi's block to fetch both her Jies....I still crave for late night outs! Lol..We head to Siglap CheesecakeCafe......Along the way there, there was never a quiet moment in the car..majiam WET MARKET in Felicia’s tt bright chilli red Toyota..Both her Jies were talking so loudly and where Felicia replied them in her blasted voice too..hais..

One moment, Jieyi and Felicia were arguing the way of giving right accurate directions, next moment, Sandy (sitting at the back seat with me) interrupted both of them and direct Felicia like she's on a taxi! Lol....she takes too much taxi and whenever she's on a car's backseat, she goes uncle in front turn left right go straight etc...haha....Everyone was so excited and couldn't stop talking and arguing about anything and everything...The Jies of Felicia couldn't help it but worried if they could reach the CheesecakeCafe or home safely to meet their parents in a full piece....haha....Felicia's driving skills were doubt by them.....HAHA!!

Reached CheesecakeCafe and smthg embarrassing occurred which I couldn't say it here otherwise Felicia's gg to blacklist me for always being big mouth-ing announcing her faceless incident online.....The ambience at the Cafe was wonderful and comfortable..saw TP senior and Felicia's poly 3yrs, THOUGHT-looks-like-actor eye candy!! LOL...we were all laughing like ah siao over there..I was the first to get home as I got to work the next mrgn....Hais....