Emo: 2nd january scene

EMO TIME:

out of a sudden, out of no where, the scene of the day 2nd january appears in my mind....i was shopping at bugis with felicia....we walked past the temple but we didnt went in....and we went to bugis street to shop...i didnt know where felicia went and i was alone, i checked my hp and saw a few missed call from home and a sms from my sister.....

'jie, ah por got into a accident.....blah blah blah.....damn that driver...'

i was feeling abit worried but i thgt it shld be alright...because i still take the happiness for granted and knew that e'tin will be alright and we are being blessed....but later the more i think the more worried i get and the fear and uncomfortness all starts rushing into me....the feeling of smthg serious had occurred gets stronger every minute....so i called home and indeed things aren't minor....her head is bleeding as i heard from my brother...she is now in hospital, mummy and ah pa already rush over there....

i don dare to think of any other things and not to say the consequences of the accident....i felt sorry for felicia to spoil the shopping trip....cos tt's the trip we had been looking forward to after so many postpones....we took MRT to simei station....i depart from felicia, i walked and run as fast as i could to CGH...it's my first time going to the hospital that urgently....i rush over to the accident and emergency session....i saw all of them there...eyes red....my grandfather's tired, troubled and worrysome face!

i saw my uncle whom my grandma doted most on, crying and very pek chek....i couldn't see her...i'm worried...so i just sat down with them and i asked my sister about the situation..soon all of the others came....and they all were already in tears...small kids, my cousins all are in red eyes....they know what is happening...it's the first time i see all of my dearest family members that sad...and e'body just couldn't control their tears and it just keep flowing non-stop...first time nobody jokes, none talk much in that 1hr plus....

e'one is pacing around, sitting down trying to calm and prevent thinking any further....hais...finally the doctor is out and e'one rush over and crowded him...she was being pushed to the ICU and we all rushed over there...at least there is some sign of relieve that she is no longer in danger....we all went over to ICU...all were very eager to go in to see her...unfortunately not e'one can go in....so suddenly, we all were behaving so well...we didnt argue or being childish and stubborn to keep wanting to fight to go in first...the adults went in first....when i think i had clam down, i decide d to go in with my brother and sister....we 3 siblings brought up by her went in...i get nearer step by step....looking from her bandaged feet like ba zhang...ok so far i was alright...i saw her face....the first thing that came to my mind:

"is she my grandma? is she her? i donno her...what happen to her face?! i donno her!"

i was shocked and am really shocked that i took a step back...tears flowed non-stop and it just POUR out....i could not tahan...i held her hands carefully and tried calling her...but i didnt manage to because i'm crying too seriously already....i went to the toilet and stayed there crying........

after seeing the state she is in.....worries all come back and the fear is built in me!!! the fear starts from tt moment on and till now the fear is still that strong!

everything had dragged for half a year already....it had been 7 months and 8th month is coming...maybe dragging that long, doesn't sound good...but i'm still as selfish and hope that i could spent more time with her...dragging doesn't do us anyone of us any good...but selfish enough, i hope she can wait for me to be back in Singapore!

OMG a so touching story!!!

OMG ppl pls visit this link and read it! it's damn nice and touching!!! i this don like to read stories or book de ren also like to read this story lor..! this link was sent to me by wilber...i'm thinking why is he reading this article and how he find this article...one big man reading such touching story! haha..ok whatever...just visit this link!!!

>>>> DAMN TOUCHING!!!

ong hui yin please go and read it! you'll get addicted to it!!!
rangers go read it and you all will CRY even more!!! hahaha...
CINDY read!!! errr sinyee ar i think u concentrate on your exams first! haha.. ((=

PS: maybe some might not be able to read till chapter 17! don ask me y..cos i also donno..but i did read till chpt 17! wahaha..

locked outside for 4 hours!

yesterday wa Li Tong's birthday...so he treates the whole department to steamboat nearby our house...haha...and we 4 girls sang him birthday song...cos i don think they have the habit of singing birthday song for the birthday person...like finish eating and that's it...i think they have some tradition like the birthday person have to treat the colleagues dinner...and it might be to them it is a standard procedure and so they don have to thank him? haha..

and so we sang him chinese birthday song while the others clap along...haha...he so pai seh la...face red alr! lol..and we bought him a box of dove chocolates as present...haha...we wrapped it with magazine paper cos we don have any wrapping paper..haha...but it looks nice k! haha..felicia even folded a rose for him..haha!

without qian yu, the 3 of us walked home....cos it just nearby our house...while qian yu went for her church activities....haha...and....

SURPRISE! i forgot to bring out the house key with me! wahaha...so we are locked outside of the house! haha...and the other spare key is with qian yu...hahahaha...so we 3 girls went to the park downstairs, exercise with those equipments, enjoy the breeze, play handphone, see stars and chit-chatted for almost 4hrs and finally our saviour is here! haha..miss qian yu is back! haha..

i think i wan to add stars to my l.o.v.e list...lol...cos it's really beautiful...our house here have lots of stars at night....but still not as much as tt day i see in east coast park! haha..really beautiful! ((=

and...SURPRISE again...the fridge door is not closed properly after i opened it this morning! hahahahaha...diao...lol...but tt's my first time k...cos felicia forgot to close the freezer at least twice i think! haha...yesterday is not my day...i'm so careless yesterday...i'm not paying attention to whatever i do! haha...also donno what i'm thinking...haha... =X

Emo: touching videos

though it's the second or third time viewing the videos....and it's just few videos and pictures without sounds....it makes me wants to cry and tears will fill up the eyes...dots...the feeling of heartbreak is still there...it's still as strong as ever...i'm still feeling so unfair and unworthy for her....i can feel her uncomfort like how we all are feeling also...

some feelings that i joted down when i first finish viewing the video...

"i miss her..i still cannot really accept this fact..hais..i can feel my heart crying..it's really uncomfortable...hais..only a few video without sounds..it touches deep down into my heart..i can feel it..it is really....

我的心感觉很酸痛! 很像大声的哭, 大声的呐喊! 我很想把那个王八蛋打死, 很像用车狠狠地闯他一下...! 让他和他家人感受一下..让他知道他对我们全部所造成的伤害有多么的重, 多么的大,有多么的难受! ..."

i really hate him to the maximum...hais..i know hating him and planting the hateful feeling in me doesn't helps in anyway and in fact, it is not advisable....but i couldn't help it whenever i thought of whatever an old lady, my dearest grandma is gg through...how can they let her go through all this sufferings?! there aren't any reason which i can thought of...hais..i yearn to hear her voice one day...i yearn for miracles that she will be back to normal and can talk and move around like us...i yearn for more family gatherings with her!!!

she has no control over her own body..she needs our helps...i mean...once before, she can do whatever she wants...now...she needs ppl help....it's like...so ke lian...and i really feel pain and sympathy for her....the fear of losing someone dear is really not fun and anything or in anyway enjoyable!!! now i know what is really fear and what i am most afraid of!!!

please i really pray that you will give all of us another chance to treasure the moments with her again...please give us another chance so that we wun make the mistake of taking happiness for ganted again...i donno what can i do other than waiting to get back to singapore...praying that she will be forever fine even when i'm back...praying for the happy times again...praying everybody's life back to normal and happy again....

we all are hurt emotionally....and it's affecting us alot...tears will no where free flow...sigh-ing will out of no where comes out...you will be thought of everyday...our life is seriously interuppted....no longer that much of homecooked food...no longer that much of happiness...it had been very long that we are really feeling happiness!

all this emotional hurt had been with us for 7 months already!!!

*can i have a time machine and turn back to before 2nd of january?!?!?!?!* ))'=

FIREWORKS right in front of our eyes!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!! somebody just put FIREWORKS display just right IN FRONT of my block!!! OMG lor!!! RIGHT IN FRONT!!! we are watching it RIGHT IN FRONT of our eyes!!! we are like very close to it...we watched it in jasmine and qianyu's room with the window closed...cos it is really too near till we scare the sparks might fly in cos the wind is quite strong...haha...it's really non-stop of WOW and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

is crazy man....we all were like screaming and screaming non-stop....the fireworks last for like around 5 mins or more lor! wa...hahahahaha...the fireworks wake us up...cos we are all so tired after coming back from Hangzhou ytd...haha..all the screaming and excitement really wake us up!!!

that's how my soul really looks like..

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

my fav colour is ORANGE!!!

What Your Favorite Color Orange Says About You:

Joyful --- Enthusiastic --- Optimistic Outgoing --- Accepting --- Confident Loud --- Unruly --- Impulsive

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

random: 63 more days!!!

63 more days!!!

i'm dying to get back home! haha...

weekend will be in HangZhou! (=

relfection: i am really lousy!

reflections again and again....

almost everyday smthg will hit me easily and make me reflect on myself....
i am begining to know more and finding out more about myself...

i am not good...i am not mature enough to know how to handle all kinds of situations eg. this time the incident....i cannot think and handle it in a rational and mature mind set...i didnt know how to analyse and handle the situation...i didnt know what to do....

i hear them analyse, saying out possible cause and solutions...they can think alot of reasonable cause and solutions...but i cannot...i only know how to ask how how how why why why..what the %$#&@*!!!

i am very not independent and is very protected by my parents....i donno alot of anything fo the outside world....i am really very protected in my own comfortable nest.....

i am impulsive...i am not smart....i am unable to think rationally if problem occurs...i only know how to talk....ha-ha-ha..where is the action?! action=i didnt know what i can do!!!

i only know what is treasure, what is take things for granted, what is precious when i am facint the fear of losing my dearest one....what is society? what is public relations? what is real socialising? what is have to change accordingly to environment......?!?!?!

i am really lousy...i donno anything...i always donno what to do when problem occurs...i only know to be stress....now whenever there is problem, i didnt know what is accept and tears only know how to flow....what is happening? i am really terrible...before i can think more properly then now i can...WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!

i hope from this trip, i can be a better person and knows how to survive in a working society...i must learn how to know handle situations faced outside regardless at work or anywhere...

我真得很差劲!!!

Yea it explain so well of me! haha

You Are An Intro-Extrovert!

Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need variety! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.

Are You An Extroverted or Introverted Girl?

Are you an attention whore?! I AM!

You Are An Attention Seeker

You're only human, so you can't help but want a little attention every now and then. You love the spotlight, but only when it's well deserved. You'd hate to be known for the wrong thing. And you also don't mind sharing the spotlight. You can easily give someone else credit or a complement. You know there's enough attention to go around, and it makes you happy when your friends shine. You come across as: Friendly and interesting People may wrongly think you're: A little more modest than you actually are!

Are You An Attention Whore?

FAMILY is always the best!

today for unknown reason mood wasn't very good....intially was very happy cos shopping time...but donno why reach qi pu alr...see so many ppl...the whole mood change liao...maybe cos too many ppl today...very squeezy...and little space to walk then got alot of those block way one! arrgghh..don really enjoy the whole trip...so i didnt buy anything except few pairs of socks and an umbrella cos raining heavily when we are about to go off! -.-

i walk and i push...i don care if she falls...really attitude la...the whole place is filled with body smell...smoking smell....shoutings...dots....all the mood gone!

ate babela....i bought Mei Zhen Xiang BA KWA!!! hahaha...went to raffles city...and a call from singapore came!!! they pass the phone around and all order things from me...and a new updated latest shopping list is produce!!! haha...this is call family warmth!!! they call and came at the right time! they lighten my mood....i can hear everyone's voice...haha..as usual that noisy...hahaha...

I LOVE THEM!!! ((=

self-reflection time: what is happening to me?!

self-reflection time...

this whole week i had already been reflecting on my own actions, behaviour and attitude.....after kana reprimanded by Arthur, makes me even want to reflect on myself! grandma issue i very sad and feel guilty for not treating her well before this bloody incident happen...thinking if i'm abit of arrogant or zhi yi wei shi.....always thought ownself very li hai, can do it....but when do, i cannot....#$%&@ i always give felicia attitude...donno how to express myself....because ownself mood not in good condition, you just vent your anger on someone else...you attitude or talk in a not so friendly tone to them....yes i am like this now....mood really changes very fast....maybe in the past i am alr like that but now it's like becoming serious and worst...has difficulty handling own emotions... before i am not those that will keep myself alone at a side....i'll try mix around whatever it is...but now like so zhi bi....don wanna mix around...plainly lazy ba?

now i am like wanting to become those quiet and talk as little as i could those kind...in own world...haha...but i'm still as kpo and as chatty and as 38 as before...

i want to not be fussy or calculative about others' behaviors or attitude or what...i don wanna to care about them...i don want like i see the ugly side of them and make me become bias towards them....and i'm just unhappy with whatever they do...it's ridiculous la....i don like the mouth that i have...always say ppl till like i'm better than them...what rights do i have to say them when i might not be better than them...my mouth is really mean....always after saying or i've alr said half way then i realize i shouldn't say them....but it's too late...tt's y sometimes i'll talk half way and just shut up...cos something just struck my mind and contradict with my own thinking....i always talk when i like to...sometimes being inconsiderate towards others feeling...did not really think in their shoe before i talk...only when i've talked half way den i realise....and when i talk half way...i'll give them..hais...tt pek chek face...is not i'm angry with them or wat...i'm just pek chek with myself for talking too much....it's really....wa...aarrrgghhh!!!

what is happening huh?!

HAPPY 42ND BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!

ARRGGHHH! everyone, every singaporeans must be tunning onto the TV watching NDP 2007!!! enjoy fireworks display! see singapore flag hanging on the helicopter flying around the island! listening to all the national day songs! admiring at all the smart uniforms group and civil servants and army guys marching on the parade!singing the national anthem and saying the pledge!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...i miss alll of it!!! idiot! online live telecast is super laggy!

i've only watched the ndp in the national stadium once during primary 5's NE programme...haha...i've not watched any actual ndp parade before...the stupid system always don give me the tickets!!! haha...

i rmb every year i watched the actual ndp fireworks with my family members! sitting at kallang there...picnic while we waited for the 8 mins firework display....haha...thought the firework display was short but it was all worthwhile waiting so long for it...hee...*BIG BIG SMILE* i feel happiness whenever i see fireworks! haha...*SUPER BIG SMILE, CRESENT EYES* every year's national day is a happy day for me! cos all of my family members are beside me! joking...laughing...eating...craping together!!! wondering what they are doing now.....i so feel like calling them now! TSK!

angel rmb we watched one of the ndp preview's firework display together during year 1.1?!?!?! haha...so happy n fun! together with felicia...both felicia and you were busy taking video of the fireworks but it was all beautify by my shoutings and screams! WAHAHA! pollutions ar?! haha! when the whole thing end, we walked so far to get cab...we even walked to suntec! but the queue is super long and while waiting or cab, we took pictures! wahaha! hehe...and in the end we took some express bus like the wat city buzzz to somewhere near zion road...haha..and we change to cab! haha...

last year firework festival was spent with sandy and kimbee..haha..omg...so many memories!!! both sandy and i went off the TPSU sub com early to meet kimbee for the fireworks!!! WAHAHA!!! FUN FUN FUN!!!

i dont say it for the sake of today is the national day...i meant it from the bottom of my heart!

I LOVE SINGAPORE, MY HOME!!!((=

I MISS SINGAPORE!!!((=

THIS IS WHERE I BELONG!!!((=

*BIG BIG SMILE!*=D

HOPE I GET WHAT I WANT!!!

7 things that hurts:

• when my LOVED ones are hurt!!!
• when i'm feeling totally helpless and can only barely see things get worst!!!
• when you get hurt without knowing it!!!
• when someone suddenly give you cold shoulder!
• when you are unable to explain for yourself!!
• when i'm unable to get what i want...
• when you got betrayed?!

5 things that you wanted to come true:

• MY GRANDMA TO GET WELL!!!
• MY GRANDMA TO WAIT FOR ME!!!
• graduate with degree and a stable job! or study uni?!
• weight to go down down down! haha..
• GIVE ME A TIME MACHINE!

3 things that you treasure:

• the times my family all had together BEFORE and in future!
• the times i had with friends...
• i am singaporean! HAHA!!!

1 superpower that you wish for:

• TO BE ABLE TO GET WHAT I WANT OR WISH FOR!!!

random: watch 溏心风暴!

damn it...i'm watching some hongkong drama serials about family ties...and the mother of the big family is dying... $%#@&* emotions come again....divert attention to yu le bai fen bai on youtube and walking around to take water to drink.....this show is really nice...it shows how all the family members make so much effort to keep the family together....溏心风暴 is the show name.....

stayed at hm the whole day...dots.....WHOLE DAY leh!!! i'm feeling so stuffy in the heart...and out of no where i let out some screams...haha...yup the 2 ladies who is at home with me gave me that 'she's crazy' loook...haha...

raining since late afternoon here....strong winds till window open itsel, till our clothing that are hanging on the 'bamboo' falls off....dots...scary...like got typhoon! hahaha...now rain got smaller...ok so random...

which part of me that none of you sees!

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant. You have an outrageous personality... And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down. Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance. You need to feel special at all times. You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

I'M CRAZILY MISSING SINGAPORE!!!

I'M REALLY GOING CRAZY!

I MISS SINGAPORE!!!
I WANT GO HOME (SINGAPORE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!

I MISS MY FAMILY!!!


the peanut song:

when can i go home?
when can i go home?
when can i go home right now...

75 more days..
75 more days..
75 more days right now!

i miss SINGAPORE!
i miss SINGAPORE!
i miss SINGAPORE right now!!!!!

ytd met sandy for dinner at SuperBrandMall..had vegetarian food...nice...felicia is so happy to eat full pure vegetarian meal! haha..ok so shopped around...i chatted with sandy alot while the others were at H&M trying out clothings in the fitting room....long time didnt chat with her so much! haha...got like when we are always hanging out in tampines or bugis or orchard road those feeling!!! haha..wa lao i really miss singapore!

ltr qy n jasmine went home w/o felicia and i....we 2 followed to sandy's place and went to Bon Bon with her....yes clubbing...ok it's fun..but i'm feeling tired fast and was unwell...haha...cos morning woke up too early la...no energy to club longer...haha..omg so many ah tiong (china tikos!)...bth lor...eerrrwww....only know how to find chance to buah ppl!!! idiot! @#$%& haha..i didnt get buah la...is i witness they buah ppl...haha..alot of ppl cos got event...hip hop competition...but we didnt manage to get to see...cos i'm tired and go home....lol...it's fun...cos u no need to think what to wear or how to dress...haha..just anyhow wear can alr! haha..(= the DJ is hei ren...wa...wonderfulll...haha...but the smoke ar...thousand times worst than MOS.....if got more friends will be more fun...haha...=D

so much fun but SINGAPORE still on my mind! haha...I'M CRAZY....!!!

Random: Frustrations, Naggings, Grumblings....

This journey is going to end in 2 more months but to me, we are like not progressing much and we still have lots to do and learn. Time is like so precious and there are always a lot of barriers and limits in what we can do. China people looking down on us like they are really greater than us! Stupid idiot production girl, whispering to her friend when see us and laugh! @#$%& She seems to look down on us....But hey you aren’t much better! If you are capable, then you wun be working in production line! You are just another small worker like us. Ok to be exact we are just students! Stupid white shirt idiot, call us to give ideas during meeting when we are like having only the first meeting with them! And we are new to this whole thing and we haven know much about this thing other than looking at statistics of defects! @#$%&

When julian and gang were still around, we went massaging…and this idiot guy once he knew we are from Singapore….he started mumbling but having the on purpose intention to want to let us hear….saying ‘Singapore is much much smaller than China…’ ‘Singaporean’s ancestors come from china wan right?!’ ‘China blah blah blah, Singapore blah blah blah..’ @#$%& wanted to say we are all actually ‘belongs’ to china…cos ancestors from china…oh god! *roll eyes*

We speak English they look down on us…they have comments about us…Why? Speak English cannot meh? Yes our ancestors are from china…so? It doesn’t mean we have to just stick to speaking Chinese or we have to follow e’tin what china does?!?!?! @#$%& hey come on la, can you all be more flexible?! So lao gu ban! We speak English not because we aren’t proud of our own language or race or ancestors…speaking English is to help us internationally….if you could stick yourself to only one thing, how far can you go? We do speak Chinese too…we speak our own dialect too like how you all speak your shanghai language! INFLEXIBLE @#$%&! When they know we are Singaporeans, they start to whisper and make eye contacts….*ROLL EYES* some worst…question marks on their head! They don’t even know where Singapore is!!! ….. Does Singapore this country exist?! Omg! Jialatt la!

I am not opposing or agreeing to anything like to forget where our ancestors are from nor do I have any meaning of being disrespectful to them. Of course there are some good kind souls around here…and of course there are china people who love Singaporeans. (= hahaha…I love them to bits! Haha…you are proud of being China people, I’m proud being SINGAPOREAN too!!!

everywhere quarrellings are happening...police quarrelling with citizens...over what? the parking of bicycle if not cos citizen doing illegal stuffs....and they can still go unreasonably like as if they are not in the wrong and continue quarrel and do 'reasoning' with the police! ..... what kind of environment is this?!?!?!

above are all to vent my frustrations! i still love staying in SINGAPORE!